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Effect of Holidays on Children’s Emotional Health: Separated Parents, Parents with Limited Support
Veronica V. James • Nov 12, 2019
Effect of Holidays on Children’s Emotional Health: Separated Parents, Parents with Limited Support
The holidays are a special time for children and parents and traditionally involves the family unit. Holidays can be difficult for separated parents, single parents, and parents with little family support. Parents who are separated may experience anxiety and stress when their children are not with them for holidays. Single parents often find the time stressful as they experience guilt for not being able to provide for their children “adequately.” Parents who do not have family in close geographic areas may miss the sense of family and experience feelings of loneliness isolation.
One guiding principle to managing the holidays with children is to place the child’s needs before the adult’s. For parents who are separated by divorce children can adjust when parents take time to communicate with the children and explain to them the situation, showing their love for them, and maintaining contact so the children don’t feel abandoned by the parent who moves out. Of course in cases where the absent parent is clearly a danger to the psychological, emotional and physical safety of the child, contact must be carefully considered. However, under no circumstance should either parent “weaponize” the child in the relationship between the adults. This will always be damaging to the child’s emotional health in the long and short term. Plan the holiday schedule and keep the schedule so children are not disappointed and confused. If children are with their other parent for the holidays, don't send them off with a display of sadness, disappointment or anger, or make feel guilty or conflicted. Encourage them to enjoy themselves and tell them you'll be looking forward to seeing them when they return.
Parents who are single or parenting with limited family support must guard against communicating to the child that having “stuff” is equivalent to their love for their child. Most children can be taught to be happy with “stuff” they have as long as the home environment is saturated with love and emotional support. The memories and traditions created around holidays will long outlast “stuff.” More is not better. More gadgets will not make children happier. All they need is you. They will remember your mood and the joy of the times they had when you were 100% there for them. Faith organizations and community-based organizations can provide additional support for single parents and those with limited family support.
Whether your children are with you or not, try to share their experience of the holiday and imagine what they will remember of the holidays with you when they are older. Look for opportunities to share holiday time with your children. Enjoy your children when they are there, enjoy them when they are not by thinking about the fun they are having. Continue to use old family traditions if they still work for your family but also consider creating new traditions that might have more meaning for your family's current situation.Support your child first. Protect their emotional health!
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